The reminders are everywhere, it's getting hard for me to remain positive. Never has an American flag at half mast affected me like this. I want to go back to winter when our town is free of tourists for the most part. When I can say "Prescott, everybody's hometown" with out a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. I've gone out to the lookout twice in the last week and the beauty of the setting sun is almost too painful to face, but for some reason I am still drawn out there. I think it's because the reminders are more subtle out in nature. I don't have to read the painful signs about 19 lost, I can just revel in the beauty that they all loved and died trying to protect.
This event is so public, almost a spectacle, I just need it all to be more private but what I need is not what is reality right now. Reality is we have to go through this every single day for the rest of time. Eventually the wounds will heal but for now they are just being reopened every time I read an article or click a link I know will break my heart. I have to stop reading about it for now. I shouldn't even watch the memorial tomorrow but I have to, I can't NOT watch it. I can't not go to Garret's service although the last thing I want to do is go to another funeral. This is this hard for me, I can't even imagine what the families are going through.
I need to get past my personal challenges so that I can project as much love as I can out into the world from this day forward. My life has been changed by knowing Garret and I will remind myself of his mottoes every time I feel like giving up or not trying hard to be GREAT! I will be great and I will dedicate my life to those I have lost and those that I still live for!
Namaste.
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