Since I am not emotionally ready to write the last chapter of the story of Cody and I, I am going to continue with an update on my life, currently.
Today is the first of hopefully many monsoons of the summer. This time of year is my absolute favorite because we still get to do all the fun summer things but the chances of over-heating are slim since we get these lovely, beautiful thunderstorms in the afternoons. Last year, my nephew Christopher was staying with us during the monsoons. He, Sawyer and I took a drive out to Jerome and I think that was the most water any of us had ever been through. The smell of our mountain air wet with monsoon rain is especially sweet, because we have to go through a couple months without any moisture whatsoever. I enjoy the smell as much as the lightning shows, so I am a very happy camper right now. Today though, I realized that every single thing I enjoy now has just a tinge of a bitter feeling with it, since Cody has left this life.
Sawyer is a huge ball of energy these days, he goes, goes and goes and goes nonstop. It is so amazing to watch him pick things up and begin to say words like "bite" "up" "mommy" "all done" and "highchair." LOVING EVERY CHALLENGING MINUTE. The tantrums have definitely begun and I'm hoping this 'phase' passes quickly. Everytime I complain about how rough and hyper he is I realize I wouldn't want him any other way, because obviously the universe has given me this beautiful, willfull child for a reason. An easy baby would probably lead me to being even lazier than I already am.
Which brings me to my biggest battle of all time. Me vs. My Mind. I'm really trying to stay as active as possible these days, hoping it will lead to more energy in the long run. Trying not to sweat the small things but still get my basic chores completed and getting Sawyer out of the house everyday. I am a home-body but it's not one of my favorite things about myself so I am training to get better at these simple things. When I say home-body, I really mean lazy person. My favorite thing to do is get in my underwear and get in bed with netflix and my kindle, which is fine. But its not something I can do all the time anymore, my focus has to be on the well-being of my family, not just my lazy bone.
Another thing I am working on is over-eating and emotional eating. I make my self sick from eating so much sometimes and I have got to stop. I have learned I can't deny myself things cause then I just end up binging later. This has been difficult since I discovered my corn intolerance 3 months ago. It has been a very bumpy road battling with food my whole life. I am hoping I am on the way to having a smoother ride, in my next 26 years. I guess I just have to keep up on planning meals and learning to cook and shop as well as reading up on my eating disorders. I would never tell anyone that I have an eating disorder, but I do struggle in this area everyday. I look forward to years ahead when I can look back and add this to my list of things I have overcome!
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